when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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