we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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