You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
