she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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