i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
