All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
