think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
