and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize