dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
