If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
