Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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