I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
