So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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