Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
