If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
