we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
