I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone owes me an orgasm
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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