Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
