I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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