That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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