Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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