jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
