Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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