Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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