you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
