About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
