A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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