Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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