I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
