I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
