i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
