and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
