Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
