i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
