Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
