she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
