Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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