areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She bit a glass in half.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
