I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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