Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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