whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
