im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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