one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
