Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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