Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
