YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
