I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.