I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere