if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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