Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
