this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
