if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
