hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
