I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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