I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
