Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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