There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
