If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
