She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
