I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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