he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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