I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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