So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
