I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
