TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
